The Undeserving Me

Ohh! My innocent childish heart,
& the poor lonely expectant soul.
Come out of that fantasy-world,
To the world of reality, sufferings & pain.
Come out & accept it,
That whatever you dreamt of it,
Was far way from the ability to be related. 
Accept it now,
That the perception of people you holded somewhere,
Doesn't ever really exists.
Come on poor, accept yourself,
As the undeserving you.
.
You are not special,
Not even for a one too.
You are not preferable,
Not even for a one too.
You are not important as well,
Not even for a one too.
You are not the priority,
Not even for a one too.
So, you are not that lucky as well,
Not as everyone else too.
The undeserving you.
.
Others are may be special,
As relations like parents siblings friends lover or spouse,
Unlikely yours, exists.
& if you say, you too have some relations aswell,
Then I really mean the real substantial ones,
& not those bias & corrupts.
Preferring others on you in every situation,
Dis-supporting you, disrespecting you,
Making out time only when free & else, ignoring.
For those you, your happiness, your acquiescence,
Doesn't ever exists.
The undeserving you.
.
But if by sitting calmly,
You seriously analyze.
Analyze that 'why only everytime me?',
'Why always same thing happen by every relation?".
The flaws & blemishes can't always be from others side,
& how every relation blows in the same wind,
May be somewhere it's your fault.
Fault which you don't know,
Or may be don't even want to know.
Fault which you should access,
Or which you should correct for attaining normality or desire.
Fault which transform you,
From the undeserving you to deserving one.
.
May be for that,
The first thing you should start believing,
That giving is no more a symbol of loving.
Earlier it may was'how much we put in giving denotes the love we behold',
But now just self-love exists,
Murdering brutally else-ones. 
May be this will help in achieving that level,
The level of being loved in a desired way.
-Fauzia Afreen